Wash Your Hands

This verse was inspired by a mate of mine, Wayne Hinchliffe. He told me his uncle had told him a story once about how important it was to wash your hands before you went to the toilet and detailed several reasons as to why. Great story Hinchy, I hope the poem does it justice.

Cleanliness is so important
As every mother knows
“Wash your hands before you eat
Come here, I’ll wipe your nose”
And, “Have you brushed your teeth tonight
Combed your hair and had a wash?”
It’s hard to be a bit of a grub
When Mum makes you look so posh

But boys will be boys despite all this
So Mum continues her endless tirade
There’s dust and mud and exploring to do
It’s just how boys are made
The one that Mum persists with most
I’m sure you’ll know what I mean
You go for a pee behind an old tree
“Wash your hands you grub” she screams

It’s always the same each time you pee
If Mum’s ever around the place
“Have you used the soap and scrubbed your hands?”
Gee, I wish she’d give me some space
And once a week the lecture she gives
On personal toiletry
On washing your hands after you’ve been
To keep yourself germ free

But little boys grow up into men
And on the way make a discovery
That the little thing between their legs
Has other uses than just having a pee
A valuable part of anatomy
Mum got it all wrong you should know
You don’t wash your hands after you’ve been
You wash ’em before you go!

© – 1998 Ric Raftis